Mr. Horace, Mr. Washington, Mr. Spenser, Mr. Shakspeare. Mr. Milton. (SECRETARY sits R. C., and prepares to go to sleep) All black, sir?
PLATO. All brack men, sah.
DAVID. Ah! They were all white the last time I heard of them. Might I ask you how you came by the names of Shakspeare and Milton, and so forth?
PLATO. We took 'um, sah. Saving your presence, sah, we don't see why de dam white man should hab all de good names to hisself, sah.
DAVID. That's a quite unanswerable reason, Mr. Plato.
PLATO. I t'ank you, sah. (SECRETARY goes to sleep) I respect you, sah! You am de white man dat we men ob color tinks de highest most ob on dis island.
DAVID. Thanks. Perhaps you can tell me why I deserve such a compliment. All I ever did was to run away from my plantation, which has returned the compliment by running away from me. It's going to be sold for the benefit of the mortgagees.
PLATO. Answer me, sah. Did you eber try to teach de niggahs on you' plantatium anyt'ing?
DAVID. Never.
PLATO. Berry well. Did you ever ax 'um to do any work onless dey agreed to it demselves.
DAVID. Never.
PLATO. Den, dar you hab it. You left de brains ob de nigger sleep in him 'kull; you left de han's ob de nigger sleep in him pocket. God bress you! you good man! I offer you my hand. (DAVID, stepping aside, nearly stumbles over SECRETARY)
DAVID. Then I say, may ignorance flourish, and idleness be the best employment of human science. May I inquire if it was my words or yours that sent this worthy fellow off to sleep. (touches SECRETARY with his foot. SECRETARY snores)
PLATO. My secrumtary, sah! he am waiting for my orders before he go to bed. I am oberwhelmed wid de brack business ob dis island. Oh! de dam white man will not hab his own way much longer.
DAVID. Looking at it from the blackest point of view, I am very glad to hear it!
PLATO. T'ank you, sah! We hab two great political parties on dis island.
DAVID. So have we at home.
PLATO. I am sorry to hear it, sah! Dar's de Conserbative Bracks an' de Liberal Bracks.
DAVID. Strange coincidence! we have the Conservative Whites and the Liberal Whites. May I inquire how these political parties differ?
PLATO. We hab all on'y de one design in view--dat is de sacred cause ob Freedom! but we hab two ways ob gettin' it. De Liberal idea am to git up early one fine mornin' an' kill all de white folks on de island.
DAVID. A truly liberal programme. But one can understand it, anyhow!
PLATO. De Conserbative idea am----
DAVID. Stop a minute. May I inquire--are you a Conservative?
PLATO (proudly). I am de Conserbative chief, sah!
DAVID. Speaking as a white man, I am delighted to hear it!
PLATO. De Conserbative plan is not so bloodthirsty, dough it am much more slow. We found a club, sah! an' little by little we git all de black men on de island to join it, an' den, when all are in it, we demand de white fokes to quit.
DAVID. A charming prospect. As one of the white men, I shall be glad to leave at once. What is the name of the organization?
PLATO. De club am to be formed to-morrow night, and we propose to call 'um de Thickskull Club.
DAVID. The Thickskull Club? Why, even your most bitter enemies could not have hit upon a fitter name.
PLATO. Wait a lilly bit, sah! Dar's a reason for dat name. Answer me dis hyar? What am de most honorable part of de man's body? Why him head! Darfore de ticker him head, de more he hab ob de honorable part! See, sah? Dar you hab him!
DAVID. A very neat way of putting it, indeed. But a club to be constituted like this will be many months in progress.
PLATO. De longer time, sah, dat de officers ob de club will be enjoyin' deir salaries, sah!
DAVID. Hum! I see!
PLATO. Mr. Secretary! Mr. Secretary! Mr. Michaelmas, I present my compliments, an' would you please to kick de secretary?
DAVID (touches SECRETARY, who sits up). I present my compliments, Mr. Plato, and begs you not to mention it.
PLATO. Mr. Secretary, you have written down de performances for to-morrow night. In de fust place--de band ob music--dat is to say, two fifes an' a drum.
SEC. (refers to book). Yes, massa.
PLATO. De banner wid de crest ob de club--a thick skull, wid de motto ob de club: "Dam all white men, an' down with labor!"
SEC. (rises). Yes, massa.
PLATO. De refresherments for de six committee-men of the club--dat is to say, six bottles of rum punch, (smacks his lips) an' six corkscrews, an' six glasses, to be carried by de committee-men demselves, two by two, one abreast? An' six chairs for the committee-men, to be carried by de grateful public. Hab you got dem all down?
SEC. Yes, massa. (turns the book upside down, to write in it.)
PLATO. Den, Missa Secrumtary, you can go to bed.
SEC. T'ank you, massa. (to DAVID) Your sarvint, sah!
[Exit, L.
PLATO. Mr. Michaelmas, I would like to ax you to witness de foundation of de club, but dough you are de model white man ob dis island, you are a white man, an' dat am a fatal objection.
DAVID. Don't mention it. Besides, there might be one of the Liberals in the meeting, and the sight of me might lead to an objection even more fatal than that you allude to.
(Voice of LEYRAC, off L.). David! Michaelmas!
DAVID. This way, sir! this way!
Enter, LEYRAC, L. LEY. Is she here?
DAVID. No, sir. She lives in a hut not far.
PLATO (bowing, hat in hand). On'y a lilly bit of way, sir.
LEY. Who is that man?
DAVID. I present to you the Conservative chief, Mr. Plato! (aside to LEYRAC) They have Mr. Milton and Shakspeare here, and all the great men.
LEY. Ha, ha!
DAVID. He has come to show you the way to the house.
PLATO. Do you present your compliments, sah, and request me to lead de way.
LEY (lifting his hat). With a thousand apologies for causing you the trouble.
PLATO. With two thousand thanks for have the honor of giving you so much trouble, (aside, hat on) No dam white man is gwine to be more polite dan me on dis island. (R.)
LEY. What's her name?
DAVID. Ruth, the quadr