At the same time I was unable to conceal that I was ill at ease, and that it might be well to leave me by myself. After a look round the bedchamber to see that nothing was wanting to my comfort, she made her quaint curtsey, and left me with her own inimitable form of farewell.
"Oh, indeed, I have been here too long! And I'm afraid I have been guilty, once or twice, of vulgar familiarity. You will excuse me, I hope. This has been an exciting interview--I think I am going to cry."
She ran out of the room; and carried away with her some of my kindliest feelings, short as the time of our acquaintance had been. What a wife and what a mother was lost there--and all for want of a pretty face!
Left alone, my thoughts inevitably reverted to Dunboyne the elder, and to all that had happened in Mr. Gracedieu's family since the Irish gentleman had written to me in bygone years.
The terrible choice of responsibilities which had preyed on the Minister's mind had been foreseen by Mr. Dunboyne, when he first thought of adopting his infant niece, and had warned him to dread what might happen in the future, if he brought her up as a member of the family with his own boy, and if the two young people became at a later period attached to each other. How had the wise foresight, which offered such a contrast to the poor Minister's impulsive act of mercy, met with its reward? Fate or Providence (call it which we may) had brought Dunboyne's son and the daughter of the murderess together; had inspired those two strangers with love; and had emboldened them to plight their troth by a marriage engagement. Was the man's betrayal of the trust placed in him by the faithful girl to be esteemed a fortunate circumstance by the two persons who knew the true story of her parentage, the Minister and myself? Could we rejoice in an act of infidelity which had embittered and darkened the gentle harmless life of the victim? Or could we, on the other hand, encourage the ruthless deceit, the hateful treachery, which had put the wicked Helena--with no exposure to dread if she married--into her wronged sister's place? Impossible! In the one case as in the other, impossible!
Equally hopeless did the prospect appear, when I tried to determine what my own individual course of action ought to be.
In my calmer moments, the idea had occurred to my mind of going to Dunboyne the younger, and, if he had any sense of shame left, exerting my influence to lead him back to his betrothed wife. How could I now do this, consistently with my duty to the young man's father; knowing what I knew, and not forgetting that I had myself advised Mr. Gracedieu to keep the truth concealed, when I was equally ignorant of Philip Dunboyne's parentage and of Helena Gracedieu's treachery?
Even if events so ordered it that the marriage of Eunice might yet take place--without any interference exerted to produce that result, one way or the other, on my part--it would be just as impossible for me to speak out now, as it had been in the long-past years when I had so cautiously answered Mr. Dunboyne's letter. But what would he think of me if accident led, sooner or later, to the disclosure which I had felt bound to conceal? The more I tried to forecast the chances of the future, the darker and the darker was the view that faced me.
To my sinking heart and wearied mind, good Dame Nature presented a more acceptable prospect, when I happened to look out of the window of my room. There I saw the trees and flowerbeds of a garden, tempting me irresistibly under the cloudless sunshine of a fine day. I was on my way out, to recover heart and hope, when a knock at the door stopped me.
Had Miss Jillgall returned? When I said "Come in," Mr. Gracedieu opened the door, and entered the room.
He was so weak that he staggered as he approached me. Leading him to a chair, I noticed a wild look in his eyes, and a flush on his haggard cheeks. Something had happened.
"When you were with me in my room," he began, "did I not tell you that I had forgotten something?"
"Certainly you did."
"Well, I have found the lost remembrance. My misfortune--I ought to call it the punishment for my sins, is recalled to me now. The worst curse that can fall on a father is the curse that has come to me. I have a wicked daughter. My own child, sir! my own child!"
Had he been awake, while Miss Jillgall and I had been talking outside his door? Had he heard her ask me if Mr. Gracedieu had said nothing of Helena's infamous conduct to her sister, while he was speaking of Eunice? The way to the lost remembrance had perhaps been found there. In any case, after that bitter allusion to his "wicked daughter" some result must follow. Helena Gracedieu and a day of reckoning might be nearer to each other already than I had ventured to hope.
I waited anxiously for what he might say to me next.
CHAPTER XXXVI.
THE WANDERING MIND.
For the moment, the Minister disappointed me.
Without speaking, without even looking up, he took out his pocketbook, and began to write in it. Constantly interrupted either by a trembling in the hand that held the pencil, or by a difficulty (as I imagined) in expressing thoughts imperfectly realized--his patience gave way; he dashed the book on the floor.
"My mind is gone!" he burst out. "Oh, Father in Heaven, let death deliver me from a body without a mind!"
Who could hear him, and be guilty of the cruelty of preaching self-control? I picked up the pocketbook, and offered to help him.
"Do you think you can?" he asked.
"I can at least try."
"Good fellow! What should I do without you? See now; here is my difficulty. I have got so many things to say, I want to separate them--or else they will all run into each other. Look at the book," my poor friend said mournfully; "they have run into each other in spite of me."
The entries proved to be nearly incomprehensible. Here and there I discovered some scattered words, which showed themselves more or less distinctly in the midst of the surrounding confusion. The first word that I could make out was "Education." Helped by that hint, I trusted to guess-work to guide me in speaking to him. It was necessary to be positive, or he would have lost all faith in me.
"Well?" he said impatiently.
"Well," I answered, "you have something to say to me about the education which you have given to your daughters."
"Don't put them together!" he cried. "Dear, patient, sweet Eunice must not be confounded with that she-devil--"
"Hush, hush, Mr. Gracedieu! Badly as Miss Helena has behaved, she is your own child."
"I repudiate her, sir! Think for a moment of what she has done --and then think of the religious education that I have given her. Heartless! Deceitful! The most ignorant creature in the lowest dens of this town could have done nothing more basely cruel. And this, after years on years of patient Christian instruction on my part! What is religion? What is education? I read a horrible book once (I forget who was the author); it called religion superstition, and education empty form. I don't know; upon my word I don't know that the book may not --Oh, my tongue! Why don't I keep a guard over my tongue? Are you a father, too? Don't interrupt me.